“Making” marriage work is critical for a healthy community … children today are our “saviours” tomorrow
Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time – October 6, 2024
Our readings today draw out the crucial issue of family unity and the sacrifices required to make them a reality. It is not an easy topic to discuss in a general audience, because many of us have been hurt, one way or the other, through our family relationships.
However, Jesus is teaching the general norms we should try to live up to as best we can. Some people question why are God and the Church making laws about “my” marriage? And here lies a critical point: every marriage is essential to the well-being of the whole community.
I invite us to read the Gospel and homily with an openness that focuses on the well-being of the whole community and our children. There are particular cases where it is not possible for husbands and wives to stay together, but these must be seen as exceptions rather than the norm.
We are currently working through the consequences of a culture that is moving more towards my Happiness and my Rights rather than “what is best for our community”. When we think about the marriage Vows and the declaration that “they are no longer two, therefore, but one body”, it immediately sets up a conflict with the underlying culture.
This is not to say that the wife and husband do not have rights: but the marriage vows draw us closer to the person of Jesus Christ who sacrificed himself for us. Similar to religious vows. But I do believe, marriage is the most important and most difficult vocation to live. Congratulations and thank you to all the wives and husbands who struggle through.
The children raised in our families are a gift “on loan” to the family they are born in. The current population challenges faced by wealthy countries (eg. Europe), remind us how valuable and critical are the children of today for the well-being of our community tomorrow.
Family unity is under greater threat now than in the past for a number of reasons, and this has great consequences for our children today. The better prepared and “healthy” our children are today, the stronger and more peaceful our community will be tomorrow.
Jesus has spoken, but the focus of the Church should not be on enforcement, but on support for married people, and empowering couples before they get married so they can enter marriage in peace, and find deep love and joy as they endure any difficulties that may come: marriage preparation.
This Gospel created a lot of discussion from our youth. One member asked if the “issues” that cause a couple to separate existed before they got married? That’s a difficult question but, often, the individual pain we carry into marriage causes pain for the other partner and children.
How can we prepare well for marriage? There are three ways: 1) especially for men, seek healing for any abuse/ neglect we suffered growing up (from family, school or community);
2) live our single lives with a high level of moral behaviour; and 3) be humble enough to take Church marriage preparation to understand, and prepare for, the demands of married life.
Another youth asked how they access help to seek healing when they don’t have any money? The first place is the sacrament of reconciliation, which is not only about what we do wrong, but what others do wrong to us: more importantly, it allows sensitive issues to be raised in a private forum where the priest will hopefully help, or guide us to an “expert” person for help.
Step 2 is more difficult to achieve in a world that seduces our young people with all manner of distractions and false promises for a “happy” life: money, drugs, alcohol, free sex, etc. Our Church must help by frequently offering seminars to the youth to help them see a better way.
A promiscuous lifestyle before marriage will cause lots of problems in marriage: when a boy/girl-friend insists on sex or they’ll be dumped, it’s a sign they don’t respect you. The reality is that the more we practice chastity before marriage, the happier we will be in marriage.
The inability to have conversations (poor digital people) makes communication difficult. How can we encourage our youth to have physical conversations rather than digital? Communication is critical for marriage to be rewarding and also resolve “conflicts” that may arise.
Sustaining a marriage requires hard work and resources. Developing a “hard work” and live simply attitude builds a habit that sustains marriage, and even creates some resources, before starting marriage, to help ease the pain of transition from a single lifestyle.
As explained in the 2nd Reading, may God give us the courage to imitate the humility of Christ: not by lowering our dignity, but lowering our desire for power in our intimate friendships.
Finally, when we ask for help, before or during marriage, it’s an act of courage and humility through which God can do amazing things: the example of Christ encourages us to see that it is only through struggle and sacrifice that we can reach the Resurrection now and later. As someone wisely noted, there are no elevators to success: only the stairs, one step at a time.
By Gerard Conlan, OMI
